I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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