my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
