Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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