I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
