I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
