I'm going to jail i love you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
