I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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