My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
