she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
