My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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