I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
