I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
