I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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