I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
