New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
