I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
