Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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