what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
