i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
