I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Randomize
