is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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