A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
