I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
