Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
