So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't turn off my feet"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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