the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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