wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
