I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
