Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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