So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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