Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
