Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
