Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
