Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
