Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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