In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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