This dress was meant to end up on your floor
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
