I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize