Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
