I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love you. Go after that dick
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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