I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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