I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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