Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
