Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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