I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
