"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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