did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize