Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
