now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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