We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
