I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
