i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
