it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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