im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
