its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
