You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
this is an emotional support booty call
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
