dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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