wrigley field is MILF paradise
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
