I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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