Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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