I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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