I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
