Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
