Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
