The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
