There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
