I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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