I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
