Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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