Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so that wasnt chicken after all
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
