tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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