DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
