$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
