I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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