I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm at about main and main street
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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