My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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