It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
