Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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