we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
