my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
