Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
