when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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