she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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