She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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