He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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