I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
